Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
