he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
