no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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