When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
