That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
