Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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