Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
