So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
