Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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