Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize