based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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