I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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