As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
