and you said cock pushups were impossible
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
