took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
