he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
