Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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