i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
