So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
