I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
