In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
