I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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