you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All the doctor said was why
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
