I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
