I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
