I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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