He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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