I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
