He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
