He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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