if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize