Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have feelings that need drinking.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
