what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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