We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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