Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
