we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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