I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
