So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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