I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
