bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
