I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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