do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
