he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
