Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
