Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize