Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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