I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
