I wish my penis had an off switch
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
