I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize