Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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