so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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