It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
