Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
