Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
