:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
