i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
