i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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