Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
