8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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