I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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