and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
