Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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