I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
