And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
