Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
