You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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