What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
