On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
