Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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