Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
