Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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