Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize